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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445588">scattered</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonopiimagines/pseuds/nonopiimagines'>nonopiimagines</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm so sorry, Swearing, mostly just canderous missing revan, revan is only mentioned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:47:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>846</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445588</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonopiimagines/pseuds/nonopiimagines</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After fighting Darth Nihilus, Mandalore the Preserver must come to terms with feelings he's kept locked away for the last four years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Canderous Ordo/Female Revan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>scattered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Revan was one of the greatest military leaders in the galaxy, in history. She knew what she was doing.” He paused, suddenly out of breath, suddenly aware of how much meaning was coming out of his mouth. “And I always follow orders.”</p>
<p>He better shut his kriffing mouth before he says anything else damning. Visas and the exile looked at him like he had grown a second head. Damn these Jedi. They were probably reading his thoughts right now, scraping his emotions up to use against him later.</p>
<p>“Let’s get off this ship and detonate the charges,” he motioned for them to keep moving down the hallway, his ears constantly straining to hear any wavering in his voice. “My men are waiting.”</p>
<p>“You’re right, let’s go.” The exile took off ahead with her little padawan following right behind her. He was more than happy to bring up the rear.</p>
<p>He could feel the heat coming off his face, the tangled feelings caught in his throat, filling up his head, his helmet, his body with thoughts he had tried so hard to suppress. It had been four years. No word from her, just a stranger with her ship and her droids. He didn’t want to admit that brief but unavoidable thoughts crossed his mind that maybe he could find pieces of her scattered around the ship, scattered around the galaxy, scattered around in people she had touched with her presence. </p>
<p>But it was still the same silence.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>The exile spent most of her time whispering to the Zabrak, practicing her forms with her force witches, playing her hundredth game of pazaak with the pilot and the T3 unit. Little time was afforded to mending Jedi relations with the Mandalorians, or that’s what he expected was going on in her avoidance of him. So when she approached him, his head preoccupied with reports from Dxun, he could only say one thing to her. “What do you want?”</p>
<p>Her face was too emotive, but he was sure she knew this too and used it to her advantage on many occasions. At this moment, her brow creased in hesitation, but her eyes shined with the truth of the words she was about to share with him. Something important and maybe out-of-line, but something she had to share nonetheless.</p>
<p>“I met with Admiral Onasi before we left Telos. He had some things to say about Revan.” </p>
<p>He stared at her, trying to guess what Carth would have to say about Revan that he didn’t already know. It was worth hearing, he decided. Anything for a piece of her, no matter how small. Feeling vulnerable, acutely aware of the droids within hearing range, he tossed the datapad onto the table and steered the exile into the medbay. He could feel the tension bubbling in his throat again. This was not the time or place to experience memories of a past that clearly had no future. But it was what drove him forward. It pulled at his fingertips as he closed the medbay doors and turned to the exile abruptly, his hands balled into fists.</p>
<p>“What did you hear? I’m sure the admiral has a lot to say.” It was more of a sneering remark than he intended. He wasn’t sure if he would ever call Carth a friend, but he was loyal to Revan all the same.</p>
<p>“He said that she went away to fix what she had done,” the exile paused, eyes analyzing his posture, her eyebrows knitted together in concern. She chose her next words carefully. “She thought that there was something out there that she had to stop.” </p>
<p>He knew all of this already. It was still crystal clear in his mind. She never withheld the truth from him. She was always a bare imprint on his memories, entirely herself, no masks, no hiding. But that came with the pain of knowing why she was gone and the very real possibility that she was never coming back.</p>
<p>“Keep going, exile. I want to hear it all.”</p>
<p>“She felt that someone or something else was behind the Mandalorian Wars. That the Mandalorians were just pawns for a bigger war to come.” She leaned back against the wall, her eyes trained on him, waiting for his reaction.</p>
<p>But he wouldn’t give her one. His feelings about Revan were between them. Not to display to outsiders. Before he was Mandalore, they were a clan of two. “Are we done here?”</p>
<p>The exile waited again, waiting for something, perhaps reading his mind again, prying his coherent thoughts out of the murky regions of his consciousness. It felt nothing like the cool caress of Revan sliding against him, calming his rage, his memories of a war lost to her.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we’re done here,” she conceded. She turned away, looking frustrated, like she expected him to divulge his life story to her. Not this time, exile.</p>
<p>He did not wait for her. He stalked back to his datapad, filling his brain with plans of Dxun and the future of the Mandalorians. A future without her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I didn't understand why people shipped canderous/revan until I played kotor2. :) and then it clicked.</p>
<p>find me on tumblr @nonopiimagines</p></blockquote></div></div>
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